Maiden World Forum

rockin_plumber · Sat Nov 03, 2007 12:38 pm

Lemon juice takes the nicotine off your hands so you don't have to look
like your middle fingers been up a homo's bottom.

Very Happy

wicky · Sat Nov 03, 2007 5:49 pm

Thanks

rockin_plumber · Fri Dec 07, 2007 5:28 pm

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Wink

rockin_plumber · Fri Dec 21, 2007 8:37 pm

Annoy airport security! Scribble 'made you look Smile

' on some paper, wrap
it in a condom and shove it up your arse. Act in a suspicious manner when
going through customs, once you have agitated security enough, wait
until they search you then point and laugh.

Very Happy

rockin_plumber · Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:07 pm

Beadle may be dead Sad

but commemorate his passing with this simple
prank: get a new bar of soap and paint it with clear nail varnish. Let it
dry and place it out to be used.

Cool

wicky · Sat Feb 02, 2008 8:09 pm

rockin_plumber · Sat Mar 15, 2008 8:36 am

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?

Its true Wink

rockin_plumber · Sun Apr 20, 2008 7:40 pm

This is strange.......
Open a new word document........
Type in (or copy & paste) the text..........

=rand (200, 99)

And then press enter afterwards........
Err..

why did it do that Confused

rockin_plumber · Sat May 10, 2008 9:05 pm

*** MAN RULES ***

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it
effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you.
She didn't. Laughing

Jars are men's work. Cool

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON'
Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. Cool

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp.
A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game,
simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man.
Magic. Cool

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it?
Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks! Cool

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving,
lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish -
noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on
and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement.
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while
everyone else struggles to catch up with you.
You're hard. Cool

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron
burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence
of your hardness, sprouting from your face.
"Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10. USING POWER TOOLS -
Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle.
Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you.
It doesn't mean you're popular,
it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that. Laughing

12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant.
Pass the pork scratchings.

13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women.
Congratulations, you are now your dad. Very Happy

14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it? Wink

15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item.
Until then, we'll make do with the aisles. Very Happy

16. TAKING OUT 200 POUNDS FROM A CASHPOINT -
Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel
like a mafia don.
The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE -
Unlike birds, we get straight to the point.
"Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

18. PARALLEL PARKING -
Bosh, straight in.
First time.
Can Schumacher do that?
No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you
the worlds best driver. Cool

19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there
in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while
the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU -
Especially if you didn't make a fuss.
"Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH -
"A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?" Roll Eyes

22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's
right, I'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized poo. Fist!

afraidtoshooteddie · Sun May 11, 2008 8:03 am

rockin_plumber · Sun Dec 28, 2008 9:56 am

I've thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year's resolution.

1024×768.

Very Happy

afraidtoshooteddie · Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:13 am

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